My granddad always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.” Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer. Thereisnospacebar.

My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I... ...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...